I've noticed an upsetting trend- I put my official monthly weigh in on the 5th of every month. I started all this on January 5th, and so I take my weight from the 5th of every month and record that on my big calendar. Without fail a day or two before my weigh in I'll eat stupid things and have anywhere from 2-4 pounds of water weight throwing off my monthly start. It's frustrating, and this month it was infuriating. I got down to 204 last week and had that as my weigh in two days in a row. Then I had family come to town and we ate high on the hog for a few days. I recorded everything, and although I had some big calorie days I never went too crazy. I figured I'd have a little water weight from some of the higher sodium meals... and by little it ended up being 4 pounds! 204 to 208 within two days. Sigh. I was one pound away from having lost 50 pounds and I sabotaged myself. Then I got down about it and didn't clean up my eating for another day or two. Within two days of cleaning up my eating I dropped the water weight and am now back at 49 pounds down at 204. On January 5, 2015 I weighed 253 pounds. I still find it hard to believe that I've lost 49 pounds in 7 months. I'm about a month behind my initial goals, but I've averaged 1.5-2 pounds a week fairly consistently. I'll hit my 50 lb mark within a few days and then I'll post my first announcement on social media (ok, ok, I post on here, but lets be honest, no one is reading this lol).
A lot of weight loss sites say that you should be very vocal with everyone in your friend and family network that you are trying to lose weight. For me that would have been a disaster. Too many opportunities for shame and disappointment which would have had me gaining rather than losing. I wanted to wait until I had "achieved" something before I posted anything to Facebook. I didn't even tell my family until a month in. Now that I'm so close I'm starting to chicken out on posting anything at all. Part of me is ashamed that even after losing 50 pounds I'm still VERY overweight/obese/fat. Although I have plans to lose another 50 a big part of me feels like if I post a "Hey look what I did!" post everyone will just look at the picture and either 1) think that I still look a fat whale and don't see a difference, 2) congratulate themselves for never reaching fat whale status and I don't know... the judging- I really fear the judging. Then why post at all you ask- why not just keep doing what you are doing and don't say anything? Because I want to celebrate this. I've lost a sack of horse feed from my body and I'm proud of that. I want to tell my friends and family about my success just as I would if I had won an award or had a great day. I know that the people that love me will be genuinely excited for me, and that the haters are gonna hate, but it stresses me out that people will not be supportive.
I've been having a lot of confidence issues lately. I guess this is just part of it.
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