Whoosh! 3 lbs down- and that makes 60!

So I didn't get to weigh in Friday or Saturday because I was working a horse show. Sunday afternoon when I got home I stepped on the scale to see what kind of damage I did (I didn't eat poorly at the show, but working in the stall office I just didn't get to move around much.) I was shocked to see that I weighed 193.4- that's a full 3 pounds lighter than my lowest weigh in! It also put me at 60 pounds lost since January. I'm way behind my initial goal of 10 pounds a month, but I've averaged a little over 6.5 pounds a month for 9 months and that's pretty good! It's a healthy, sustainable loss. I won't hit 100 pounds in a year, but I've done 60 already with 3 months to go. I also loss an inch off of my thigh and my upper arm this month.

I do feel better.

I'm at a size 12/14... ok, a 14, but I have a few 12s that fit. lol

I'm facing some harsh realities, and slowly accepting that losing all that weight was never going to "fix" everything else. I still struggle with self image. I still feel fat. I still am fat. I am making progress though... and I'm proud of progress.

A friend has been giving me a dozen eggs every week or two from her chickens lately, and today I'll be enjoying this salad (packed last night). Mixed greens, a packet of cranraisens and nuts, two hard boiled eggs, and some of the Newman's Light Sesame Ginger dressing if I need it. Protein, healthy fats, and lots of veggies for the win!

The packet of cranraisens and nuts I picked up at the store a while back, it was a box of them, and they are the greatest salad topping packet of all time. (It's a decent trail mix too, which is what I bought it as, but I prefer it as a salad topper.)

A Week Goes By With Little Change

I weighed in at 196.8 this morning. I hit 196 for the first time this past Saturday, and have weighed in at 197 most days in between. that puts me at 57 pounds down.

The Lose It! app gives me lots of statistics to look at, though I rarely do. Today I decided to dig through some numbers. I've eaten high in my calories the last few months which would obviously explain a lot of the slow down in loss. on the flip side of that I'm averaging right at, or just below 1400 calories. It's not like I'm eating an absurd amount. My daily calorie "goal" right now is 1248... that's borderline bottomed out. If I go over by 50-100 calories I don't get worked up, but its reaching a point of not being able to drop lower. I've been aware of hunger lately. I get really irrational when I get hungry. I don't make good choices. All the readings say that I'll need to up my exercise in order to create a calorie deficit without dropping below 1200 calories. Exercise is still my biggest struggle. I've felt tired a lot lately. Just dragging. I don't have the energy I had a month or two ago. Am I depressed? Lazy? Not eating enough? Vitamin deficient? I have no clue... I'm strongly considering going to the doctor to ask for help. But then again exercise is supposed to give you energy and help create a calorie deficit. Maybe a need to focus on exercise.

I've also slipped on my sugar and sweets. I don't crave much, but I was regularly allowing myself chocolate indulgences. (About an ounce of dark chocolate a day.) Not a huge calorie eater, but I can eat more nutritious food, and avoid the sugar/fat if I start curbing that a little.

Overall, I'm still losing. Even on my "bad" days/weeks I'm maintaining. I feel comfortable that I'm living a sustainable diet. I'm not sure I'm living a sustainable lifestyle though. I'm always busy, rushed, and obligated. I feel like the last year I've been spread much too thin. I need to cut back. I need to focus. I need to do fewer things and do them better. I've never successfully balanced work/life. Perhaps I should start trying harder. I'm not sure what that looks like though...

Size 12?!?

I haven't had that much change in my weight. As a matter of fact I'm still at the 197-199 range. Last month I ended up not really taking measurements until the end of the month instead of my usual weekly. I had some pretty significant changes. An inch off of my waist and hips, and half an inch off my bust and chest. My lower arm also saw a drop of about a half to a quarter of an inch. I thought this was surprising since my number weight only dropped a few pounds last month. Looking back over my numbers, btw, since I started recording my measurements in March I've lost 7 inches off my waist, 1 inch off my upper arm, 1 inch off my lower arm, and inch off my thigh, an inch and a half off my calf, 4 inches off my chest, 4 inches off my hips, and an inch off my neck... 19.5 inches in 6 months of recording measurements. (I didn't start with LoseIt until March.)

Things I've done differently: Still eating 1300 calories a day or so. I don't have a "cheat day" but I also don't mind if I have a day that I'm not watching that closely. I still record everything, I just don't get super protective of my numbers if I go over one day. I've also allowed a little chocolate (dark ghirardelli square) and the occasional bread that I was avoiding. I've been more conscious of how much I'm moving. I've been adding a body weight workout a couple of times a week, and still trying to make the yoga classes my gym offers. So the thing is, I'm not doing that much different except maybe moving a little more, but nothing systematic.

The result: Weeks ago, like way long time ago, while at Goodwill I found a pair of Lucky brand size 12 jeans. I couldn't fit in them, and I knew it, but I wanted them around for "when I could get in them". Now, the size 14 Luckys that I have were my smallest pair of 14s that I bought. The Charlotte Rouse, Banana Republic, and Old Navy 14s I have are all pretty loose these days- I definitely need a belt to make them work. The 14 Luckys aren't as loose as the others, but at the end of the day I can slip them off without unbuttoning (although I always attributed that to my distinct lack of hips and ass, lol). This morning before I jumped in the shower I decided to try the 12s on to see how far I had left to go, and what do you know they fit! Snug, but certainly acceptable to wear in public- in fact, I was so excited I decided to wear them to work today. :)

Overall it was a very pleasant surprise. I had thought the work pants my mom bought for me a month ago were looking/feeling a little baggy, but I dismissed it as imagination since they fit perfect only a few weeks ago.

It's been a while

Classes started back and the last few weeks have been a little nuts. The good news is that I'm feeling much better. I attended some yoga, started coloring (yeah, like I'm 5, but the grown up coloring books they have are awesome, and you get meditative benefits), and overall just gave myself the time for the mood to pass. Am I a positive ray of sunshine? No, lol, but I never have been.

I'm sitting at 197 as of this morning. Tied with my lowest weight from a couple of weeks ago, and truthfully I haven't kept this weight as constantly as I normally do when I hit a lower weight. I've probably averaged closer to 199. Some of that has been cheats, sodium, and not tracking calories as vigilantly. I've been working out again (at least more than I was). I feel like I have my food fairly well under control. Now I really want to work on successful workout goals. This has always been hard for me, and I'm trying some new strategies to make exercise a habit.

High sodium days can make my weight swing between 2-5 pounds. My next small weight goal is to get down to under 195 so that even when I'm carrying around a little extra water I'm still under 200. I haven't tried anything new with food lately, and I've been ok with that. Now that school is starting back my lunches are consistently 1-200 calories fruit/veggie snack packs and I'm drinking at least a bottle of water every hour or two (one during each class). These are the habits that got me started and I'm happy to have them back.